Love and money: How to talk finances with your partner

Money can excite us, make us feel anxious, fill us with a sense of calm or leave a lingering feeling of dread. The emotional connection we have with money can strongly influence how we feel or talk about it with friends, family and our partners.

While money can be a source of tension, ironing out how you and your partner discuss your finances, or talk about getting back on track after a bump in the road, is a relationship essential and the key to getting ahead financially too.

In this article you find some common finance scenarios couples face and strategies to make sure any conversation about money goes as smoothly as possible.

The spending versus saving dilemma

In any relationship it is common for one to be a spender who likes to indulge and treat themselves or others. Commonly the other is a saver and vows to set aside money each month for a rainy day or emergencies. Unfortunately, when the bills comes in each month there seems to be the same argument every time about spending habits and the relationship priorities.

Communication is everything in a relationship and it is no different when it comes to money matters.

Working out whether you and your partner are financially compatible for the long term is a great starting point.

The majority of Australians consider themselves savers, whilst the minority see themselves as spenders. Understanding the differences in how you and your partner define financial wellbeing will provide a strong foundation for your shared relationship with money matters.

In any relationship it is possible that that you don’t always see eye to eye on different issues. If you and your partner have different philosophies regarding money, it's important to talk openly and often, and to determine where joint decisions should be made.

With some simple relationship foundations and boundaries, spenders and savers can co-exist and be great life partners.

You should consider using one of the many online quizzes to see if you are a spender or a saver. This will help you gain knowledge about your financial habits and reveal how those could impact your relationship. Taking these quizzes together as a couple can be a great way to open up conversations about how you both spend money as well.

Having upfront conversations with your partner that are both honest and transparent will help avoid issues and awkward situations down the track.

Couples should discuss financial goals together regularly and should be flexible so you are both on the same page for the long term.

Don’t play the blame game

Was it a budget blowout or an essential buy? What happens when you and your partner don’t see eye-to-eye on spending matters?

When we have budget blowouts, it's common to feel embarrassed. It is human nature to avoid judgement from others, by hiding over-spending from each other this can often lead to more serious impacts on your financial health or relationship goals.

Even the best savers can be prone to a splurge from time to time, but how you handle these blowouts with your partner can be a defining moment in your relationship.

If you're planning on confronting a partner it is important to avoid playing the blame-game. Understand why it happened and address the root causes in a constructive way. If you have indulged in a splurge yourself, be upfront and honest about it and work together towards a viable solution.

It is vital to build a level of trust in the relationship so you can be confident both are working towards the same goals together.

Couples should look to build up an emergency fund, this can help to minimise the impacts of any over-spending. This also allows the couple to learn a lesson rather than get into financial and relationship stresses.

When couples are working out their budget, they should factor in possible splurges so it comes as less of a shock when it happens. By having a buffer, it will help ease the immediate financial burden and let you both focus on finding a viable solution.

If a couple has had a significant setback that could really impact the budget, consider challenging yourself to a no-spend month to help restore some balance to your finances.

Problems can continue in the relationship, if you're finding it a struggle to get back on track or you find it hard to talk about money matters without tempers flaring - consider talking to a financial professional as a couple.

Staying on track isn't easy

It is common for both partners to talk about money all the time but it can often be a struggle to stick to the plan.

In any relationship, once you understand each other's money habits and goals - you can start to think about financial priorities that are important to both of you and work towards meeting them.

Setting goals is the starting point. Maintaining the transparency and trust between you is an ongoing part of any relationship that needs to be constantly worked on and nurtured.

Whether you sit with a pen and paper, enter your data into a spreadsheet or use an online budgeting tool to stay on track - make sure that your methods work for both of you and that you discuss your progress when things are going well and not so well.

Success doesn't come overnight, stay open and honest about your progress towards those financial goals so you won’t lose sight of them.

Transparent and honest money conversations between partners is a skill developed over time. The more frequently you and your partner discuss money matters, share your plans for the future and remain on the same page financially, the easier the discussions will be.

Disclaimer: The content of this article is general in nature and is presented for informative purposes. It is not intended to constitute tax or financial advice, whether general or personal nor is it intended to imply any recommendation or opinion about a financial product. It does not take into consideration your personal situation and may not be relevant to circumstances. Before taking any action, consider your own particular circumstances and seek professional advice. This content is protected by copyright laws and various other intellectual property laws. It is not to be modified, reproduced or republished without prior written consent.